| Rep Mark
Foley (R-FL) Mark is our poster child for bad behavior. You probably
won't see him because he has left Washington. He resigned in disgrace and
entered an alcohol rehab clinic. He was caught sending sexually explicit
e-mails and text messages to underage male pages. We will probably see him
on Oprah with a new book. Oprah will help us all feel better as we come
to a new awareness of his weakened capacity and compulsive forces. We will
be told that it is not his fault. |
|
Mark
likes 12-year-old scotch with 12-year-old...oh, never mind. |
| Sen Robert
Byrd (D-WV) Robert is a former member of the Ku Klux Klan. He was
a "kleagle," or recruiter, for the klan. |
|
Robert has
been in the Senate since 1958. Robert says his KKK days are behind him
yet he owns the distinction of being the only Senator to vote against
the nomination of the Supreme Court's only two black justices, Thurgood
Marshall (1967) and Clarence Thomas (1991) |
| Sen Hillary Clinton
(D-NY)- Hillary is a polarizing figure with many scandals: Black
Panthers, cattle futures, Whitewater, Travel Office, Vince Foster, Edmund
Hillary, FBI files, Hasidic pardons, Gandhi comment, Hollywood fundraiser,
the common good, plantation remarks, etc. Be careful! Wherever she is, her
sexual harassing husband may be lurking. |
|
Hillary
claims to be a self-made woman. Yet all she did was hitch her wagon to
Bill. She became a member of the Rose Law firm after Bill was elected
Attorney General of Arkansas. She was named as full partner in the firm
after he became governor. She then became a senator after he became President.
Stand by your man Hillary, even if he is an adulterer.
|
| Sen Dick Durbin (D-IL)
Dick is an outspoken opponent of the war and has compared our
heroic soldiers to Nazis, Soviet gulag guards, and the Khmer Rouge. These
comments empowers our enemies and demoralizes our troops. Dick
should be impeached for treason. |
|
When Dick
finally apologized for his slanderous comments about our soldiers, he
cried. |
Sen Bill Frist (R-TN) Dr. Bill MD has been investigated
for insider trading, medicare fraud, and conflict of interest. He is not
running for re-election leading some to believe that he will make a run
for the presidency.
|
|
Dr Bill
was very involved in the Terry Schiavo case. He made a speech about her
on the senate floor. He even diagnosed her by looking at a videotape.
Dr Bill, how can you diagnose a patient from videotape? Is there a medical
ethical standard against that. And Senator Bill, do you think the federal
government should have been involved in the Schiavo case? Doesn't that
violate the republican ideas on federalism? |
| Sen Ted Kennedy (D-MA)
Ted is a notororious party boy. The married senator once attended a party
with a bunch of young female campaign workers. He drove away with one of
the workers (Mary Jo Kopechne) and drove his car off of a small bridge.
He swam free. She drowned slowly in an air pocket inside of the car while
he was off fixing an alibi. |
|
It would
be safer to walk alone through inner city DC than to accept a ride with
Mr Kennedy over the Potomac River. |
Sen John Kerry (D-MA)
John returned from Vietnam and claimed to have personally committed war
crimes. John was an officer in Vietnam. So that means that John either
lacked the moral courage to use his position of authority to do the right
thing, or he is a liar who made up the story while running for office
in the early 70s.
|
 |
A warning
to the parents of congressional pages. John likes to marry into money,
he did it twice. Since the typical intern comes from a privileged family
you might want to have your daughter avoid him. Or she might be married
to this. |
Sen Harry Reid (D-NV)
Harry has made questionable million dollar real estate deals for himself
and supporters. A recent Associated Press expose shows that Reid pushed
through changes in federal law that helped the senator get rich - via
complex land deals with a lobbyist who's also tied up in a federal bribery
case.
Harry has also been using
campaign donations to pay Christmas bonuses for the support staff at the
Ritz-Carlton where he lives. Federal election law bars candidates from
converting political donations for personal use. |
|
In his spare
time, when Harry is not passing laws to make himself very rich, he is
one of the most divisive figures in Washington. Consistently publicly
criticizing the President on every issue. |
| Rep Harold Ford Jr (D-TN)
Harold has credibility issues, he impersonates a lawyer. He calls himself
a lawyer despite the fact that he could not pass the bar exam. He has also
never met a junket (privately funded trip) he didn't like. |
|
Junior comes
from a family of politicians who have been extensively investigated. His
father, who gave him the congressional seat, was often under investigation.
The exploits of his uncle John and his aunt Ophelia are well known in
Tennessee state government. |
| Rep Barney Frank (D-MA)
Barney let his gay lover run a homosexual prostitution ring out of his Washington
DC apartment. |
|
Does that
make Barney a madam? |
| Rep Katherine Harris
(R-FL) Katherine has stated that if Baptist voters do not elect
Christians, then they would be endorsing the legislation of sin. |
|
I am a born
again Christian. But Kathy honey, that sounds a little kooky. |
| Rep Dennis Hastert (R-IL)
Dennis is the Speaker of the House. He is an enabler who tried to protect
both Mark Foley and William Jefferson. He also has ties to Jack Abramoff
. |
|
Dennis fell
into the speakership. Speaker Newt Gingrich had resigned and was followed
by Bob Livingston who also resigned. Dick Armey was seen as vulnerable,
and Tom Delay was too controversial. Good old Dennis was the 4th stringer
for house leader. How inspiring.
His biggest
mistake was trying to work with the democrats. They saw this as a weakness
and have been feeding off him ever since. |
| Rep Alcee Hastings (D-FL)
Alcee is a former federal judge. Why did he leave the judiciary to join
the legislature? Alcee was impeached over bribery and perjury charges. Yet
he managed to get himself elected to congress. |
|
This isn't
helping the reputation of Florida voters. |
| Rep William Jefferson
(D-LA) William was videotaped by the FBI accepting a briefcase
with $100,000 for a bribe involving telecommunication contracts in Nigeria.
$90,000 of it was later found in his freezer. His Washington DC office was
subsequently searched by the FBI |
|
Do you think he is part of
that Nigerian phishing e-mail
scheme that keeps appearing in my inbox?
|
| Rep Patrick Kennedy
(D-RI) Patrick "Patches" Kennedy is the son of Ted. He
was elected by name recognition only. He led a privileged Kennedy upbringing
which included cocaine detox as a teen. He crashed his car near the capitol
at 2 am in the morning in May of 2006 but somehow managed to avoid prosecution
and check himself into a detox center. The apple does not fall far from
the tree. |
|
Patrick, a
congressman since 1994, boasted in 2003, "I have never worked a [bleeping]
day in my life."
Don't let your
page son or daughter adopt Patches' work ethic or party values. |
| Rep Cynthia McKinney
(D-GA) Cynthia assaulted a capitol hill police officer who merely
wanted to see her credentials. She is an anti-war nut who wants to impeach
the president. |
|
Cynthia McKinney,
hot or not?
Fortunately
Cynthia lost in her state primary vote. She will be leaving us soon. |
| Rep John Murtha (D-PA)
John barely escaped prosecution for the ABSCAM scandal. He is a former Marine.
I know that it is said that there is no such thing as a former Marine, but
I think the Corps would overlook that unwritten rule in his case. He called
the Marines at Haditha cold-blooded murderers before the investigation into
their actions even began. John voted for the war but now is against it.
|
|
John recommended
redeploying the Marines out of Iraq and to a country where they would
be able to respond quickly. He suggested Okinawa. John, Okinawa is about
5,000 miles from Iraq. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? |
| Rep Robert Ney (R-OH)
Robert has been identified as one of the big Jack Abramoff corruption scandal
cronies. Robert is not running for re-election. Do you think he will appear
on Oprah with a book and new disease? |
|
Former Rep
Randy "Duke" Cunningham (R-CA), a tough ex fighter pilot, is
about to get a new cell mate and wife. |
| Rep Curt Weldon (R-PA)
Curt, along with his daughter, a lobbyist, are currently under investigation
by the FBI for illegal lobbying contracts. |
|
Curt knows
how to use his office to funnel money to family members. Maybe he would
adopt your child. |
Rep Sheila Jackson
Lee (D-TX) Sheila represents Houston, home to NASA. She is a
member of the House Science Committee's space subcommittee. She once asked
if the Mars Pathfinder could take a picture of the flag Neil Armstrong
had planted in 1969.
She also complained once that
hurricane names were too "lilly white," and demanded that more
"black" names be used. |
|
Sheila and
Dennis (below) are two of the more mentally challenged members of congress.
If you get in the same room with Sheila or Dennis, you will lose 30 points
on your SAT score
|
Rep Dennis Kucinich
(D-OH) In 2003 Dennis announced his presidential candidacy, "I
am running for president of the United States to enable the goddess of
peace to encircle within her reach all the children of this country and
all the children of the world."
At an Iowan presidential debate
in 2004 Dennis brought a large pie chart along as a visual aid to show
his views on federal spending. The debate was only carried on the radio.
|
 |
You will
lose 90 points on your SAT score if you are in the same room with both
of them. |
Here are some more of our
esteemed members of congress who are being investigated as part of the
Abramoff corruption scandal
Sen Conrad Burns (R-MT)
pictured
Rep David Vitter (R-LA)
Rep Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep John Doolittle (R-CA)
Rep JD Hayworth (R-AZ)
Rep Don Young (R-AK)
Rep James Clyburn (D-SC)
Rep Bennie Thompson (D-MS)
|
|
Conrad was
added because he likes to nap during Senate hearings. Please don't adopt
his work ethics. |
