Something Ain't Right Dictionary

THE SOMETHING AIN'T RIGHT DICTIONARY

( a work in progress)

[Inspired by Ambrose Bierce]

THESE ARE THE LATEST ENTRIES. THEY WILL BE PLACED INTO THE DICTIONARY (BELOW) AT A LATER DATE

Accidental overdose-What happens when a Hollywood celebrity irresponsibly ingests too many drugs. As opposed to an ordinary overdose which afflict the less affluent street users.

Communism- An economic system designed to level the playing field between the exploited proletariat and the privileged bourgeoisie. Curiously, today the failed system finds support only amongst the bourgeoisie while they enjoy a life of capitalist benefits which communism could never provide.

Congressional Hearings- Free publicity for reelection minded politicians. Discussions about political issues that lead to no actual action or results.

Conspiracy Theories- A secret deceptive plot committed by powerful groups that you don't like.

Cult-A religion that is based upon the rambling visions and secret knowledge of one man. Examples-Scientology, Mormonism, Islam. A religion that does not understand the true nature of God.

Electoral college- A system for electing our president designed so that the smaller states would not be ignored. This ensures that the candidates will spread their lies and empty promises throughout all parts of the country and not just to the larger population centers.

Free Speech Rights-A Constitutional Right for liberals to shout down a conservative who is giving a speech.

"Girls Gone Wild"- Videos that show us what feminism has done for our young women

Gun-Free Zone- 1. A place such as a high school or college that is targeted by mass murderers who know that it is a safe killing field. 2. An invisible barrier that will magically protect the innocent from bad people.

Gym- A place people go to develop their vanity through the use of the biggest and most prominent piece of equipment found in every gym, the mirror.

Hate speech-Justifiable criticism of a protected group that cannot be refuted.

Happiness-A perpetual state of gratitude.

Ku Klux Klan- A group of ignorant white supremacists that is currently disorganized and feeble, but has historically been a powerful and violent political arm of the Democrat Party (1870s, 1920s, and 1950s).

Lifetime Television-A television network that caters to women through the use of victims and devious characters, both of which women relate to.

Mental illness- A psychological condition found mostly in well-developed western countries. Lesser developed countries and Eastern cultures don't have the time to sit around, feel sorry for themselves, and think about mental illness.

Multiculturalism- A method of teaching about other cultures with propaganda fueled denigration of western culture and the artificial elevation of minor cultures.

Misogynist-Anybody who disagrees with a feminist

Open minded- When you are open to anything that a liberal is open to and disagree with the things that a liberal finds disagreeable.

Palestinians- A group of historically stateless Arab people in the Middle East who were routinely discriminated against by their Arab brethren until it was discovered they could be used as political tools against Israel.

Political Attack Ad- Telling the truth about your opponent

Sacred lands- Areas of land held in high esteem by Native Americans. They are zealously guarded and will not be despoiled, unless by a casino.

Self esteem movement- An attempt to artificially elevate the ego of society's losers by convincing them that their feeble attempts are just as noteworthy as the accomplishments of successful people. A way of leveling down the achievers.

Selfless Service- 1. Loving your country more than yourself. Understanding that there are bigger things out there than you. 2. A completely foreign idea to liberals. This is why they think that anyone who joins the military is a loser with no other options.

Sexual harassment training- Curbing male behavior.

Spiritualism- The religion of the secular that conveniently happens to be morality-free

Talk Radio- A medium that is called extremist by critics although it attracts more Americans each week than any other media, therefore making it quite mainstream. Although also criticized for being unaccountable, it receives feedback instantly through phone calls and e-mails, which are openly broadcasted, making it more accountable than any other forms of media.

Tolerance- Condescension

United Nations- The only place on Earth other than an American university that believes that a thugocracy is morally equivalent to a democracy

Visual learners- Stupid people.

Washington DC Public Schools- One of the worst public school systems in the country. Their problems could easily be fixed by creating a law that mandates that the children of our members of congress, senators, and other senior bureaucrats attend these school instead of private schools

Women's Rights- An attempt to assert social, political and economic equality for women. This ignores that fact that if women were truly equal, they would not need such legislation.

NEW PHRASES

"I got pregnant"- A euphemism for "I rolled the dice and now face the consequences of having unprotected sex." It is commonly used as though a pregnancy is a random event such as a cold or flue that afflicts innocent and unaware victims.

"I have never been a quitter"-A phrased used by quitters when they are truly facing their first real challenge in their life

"The fact of the matter is…"- This is my loose interpretation of the truth and you better accept it as an absolute.

Atheist- A person who is desperately seeking God

Affirmative Action- A program that is used to promote access into certain institutions for historically under represented groups. In the US this program is SELECTIVELY applied as a social or political TOOL. For instance, in the world of professional sports, there is pressure put on the overwhelmingly white NASCAR to recruit black minorities, but there is no pressure put on the overwhelmingly black NBA to recruit more white athletes.

Bible- An overlooked and often ignored historical collection of religious books that established the Christian religion. It is only used to reference your neighbor's sins.

Celebrity Dissonance- The act of claiming that you bewail the celebrity culture while at the same time forming your own opinions about celebrities

Characteristic- A favorable distinguishing attribute that sets apart a group of people. As opposed to a stereotype which is an unfavorable distinguishing attribute that sets apart a group of people

Christian Church- A group of people in a local community who get together to worship Jesus and agree on which Biblical sins will be tolerated within the group.

Compassion- A tool used by liberals to give them political power.

Confederate Flag- A reminder of slavery. A flag that stood as a symbol for slavery for four years. As opposed to the US Flag which stood over slavery for 90 years.

Constitution- An overlooked and often ignored historical document that provided for the political creation of the United States. Its only use is as a political tool to swing at members of the opposing political party when they violate its principles.

Crying- A weapon used by the female of the species when they are losing a logical argument

Day Care- Daily storage for your pre-school children. A place where parents arrange to have other adults tend to the basic needs and rearing of their children so that they can go out and do more enjoyable tasks. A parent substitute.

Democrat Politician-Lovers of big government spending who promise to eliminate social ills by enacting policies, which make the problem worse. This is done so that they may alleviate their own guilt while maintaining political power.

Disaffection-When a liberal has lost the intellectual argument.

Diversity-An ideology in our universities that strives toward a goal of hiring a varied faculty. This concept applies to appearance and sex only. It does not apply to religion (they must all be secularists), or political inclination, (they must all be liberal democrats). It is part of the larger cultural war against white, Christian, heterosexual males.

Divorce- When a husband and wife decide to stop trying to solve their personal problems and force the problems onto the children who must deal with them for the rest of their lives. In doing so they damage those who they should be protecting.

Environmentalism- A more benevolent form of communism.

Feminism- 1 A group of women who swapped dependence on their husbands and fathers for dependence on big government programs such as affirmative action, favorable divorce laws, government institutional daycare, maternity leave, free healthcare, and abortion. Thus, inadvertently reinforcing the notion that they are incapable of prospering on their own. 2. "Despite the quotas of the 60s and 70s, social change wasn't happening fast enough for the new breed of feminists. So they responded with a vengeance by promoting extreme measures. They became anti-men, anti-marriage, anti-family and anti-children. This left a void in their membership that could only be filled by one group. That group was 'flag-waving, man-hating lesbians.'"-Rush Limbaugh

Gambling- The waging of money on the outcome of a future event in the hopes of garnering more money. Gambling is a fool's errand and often psychologically addictive. It is frowned upon and considered illegal by the government unless they are sponsoring it and profiting.

Ghost-The spirit or soul of a deceased person who often appears to the believer fully clothed. Though no one can explain why a ghost would need clothes, how their inanimate clothes could follow them into the afterlife, how their clothes do not disintegrate after hundreds of years, or where they buy new ghost clothes.

Hate- An embarrassing response directed against another person who displays your worst qualities

Homosexuals- A person who is sexually attracted to other people of the same sex. Someone who tries very hard to convince others that they are part of the mainstream, and becomes very militant when trying to convince their biggest skeptics; themselves.

Libertarian- An anarchist with money who wants to grow his own marijuana, as opposed to a Democrat who wants the government to provide his marijuana.

Lifetime- A television network dedicated to exposing white males as the natural- born victimizing rogues that they really are.

Marriage Enrichment Class-A seminar designed to feminize male behavior.

Nuance- Liberal political speak. Liberals politicians like to believe that when they are misunderstood it is because they speak in fine distinctions that the common man does not understand. But nuance is not high-speak that you and I are not smart enough to comprehend. Nuance is simply a euphemism for double-speak that is crafted so that the politician cannot be held down to one side of an issue.

Pacifist- A person whose cowardice is camouflage by idealism.

Political Correctness- "Mandatory dishonesty and obfuscation of factual information when the truth is offensive to liberals. A priori censorship of genuine ideological diversity."- William F. Buckley, Jr.

Political Diversity- When a college faculty hire professors with political affiliations that range from the left to the far left

Pro-choice- A side of the abortion fight that is only is only interested in one choice; abortion.

Quarantine-Government forced isolation of a person who comes down with a dangerous, communicable illness such as typhoid or small pox. This policy does not apply to AIDS patients who, for political reasons were allowed to continue spreading the death sentence.

Racism- 1. A race-based decision making process that in a liberal society is only allowed to be used against white males. 2. Any criticism of black behavior that a liberal cannot intellectually defend against.

Rainforest- A jungle renamed for the purpose of exploitation by environmentalists for the purpose of raising money for the environmentalist.

Republican Politician-Lovers of big government spending who promise to cut taxes and government spending, overturn Roe v. Wade, and reinstate school prayer, but in the end only manage to cut taxes.

Slavery-A social-economic system under which certain persons-known as slaves-are deprived of personal freedom and compelled to perform labor or services. Government institutionalized slavery only occurred once in human history and that was in the United States where the white population enslaved the black population. Today it is part of a powerful social tool used to justify the black culture's self-destructive behavior.

Soldier- A member of the United States military who is a low life, uneducated, bloodthirsty, killer.

Summer time-The most enjoyable time of the year for most people. Unless you work for the mainstream media and it is a season of shark attacks, deadly ticks and mosquitoes, tornados, hurricanes, drought, and rising temperatures.

Terrorist- Somebody with an authentic grievance with the United States, which justifies their violent, deadly attacks against US women and children.

Tolerance-A condescending attitude of non-judgmentalism that is claimed to be a virtue, but is really just indifference.

Underdog- A person in a competition who is expected to lose. We often express support for the underdog, not out of sympathy, but out of desire to see the top dog fall.

United States- A country that is responsible for all of the evil in the world to include racism, sexism, terrorism, global warming and tsunamis. A country that often finishes on the bottom of international quality of life lists, but the one country that people all over the world want to immigrate to.

War on drugs- An expensive and ineffective government program that has had little effect on the problem of drug use in this country and whose unintended consequences have resulted in more violent crime. The main purpose of this war is to give its supporters of the war the moral high road.

Wetland- A swamp that is protected by environmentalists.

Whistleblower- Someone who exposes corrupt conservative politicians and big businessmen. As opposed to a dishonest low life like Linda Tripp who exposed a corrupt liberal politician.

Women's Studies- An academic major taught at many universities that provides a platform for angry feminist professors. It has little to do with reality, and the course work consists of no critical thinking, just indoctrination into the liberal worldview. Since there is no real-life application for this major and no hopes of ever getting a real job, the only career a graduate can get into is one as an angry, feminist professor. Note-Any course at a college that is entitled "x" Studies" is liberal propaganda about how they believe the world should look like despite all of the contrary real world empirical evidence.

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Part II

A DICTIONARY OF COMMON PHRASES

"Free to a good home"- What a family writes into an ad in the newspaper when they want to give away their dog to the first person who inquires about it.

"I'm retiring to spend more time with my family"- What people say when they are resigning from the public eye (politicians, celebrities, sports figures, etc). Despite the fact that the resentful family members who have been ignored for so long realize that they will continue to be ignored through retirement.

"I don't have enough time"- This is not a priority. Time is time; you cannot change it. A second is a second, a minute is a minute, an hour is an hour, etc. You can either organize you time better, but no one can add any length to time. If some says they do not have time for you or an activity, they are merely saying that it is not a priority with them.

"Nation of Immigrants"- A term applied to the United States by proponents of illegal immigration. This is opposed to all of the other nations in the world where the people grew out of the ground like potatoes.

"We are on strike for more respect"-What a union member says when he wants more money
"Your child needs to develop their listening skills"- A euphemism that teachers use to describe your child. It is a polite way to say your kid is a rotten brat.

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