Something Ain't Right Headlines

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FAKE NEWS HEADLINES

Televangelist performs miracle. Turns wine into urine

Gasoline drops to $1.00/gal, now used in restaurants to cook french fries

International Space Station sails over the edge of the universe

Star college basketball underclassman foregoes NBA draft in order to finish his education

Blind person spotted using ATM

Spectator at US Open struck with hail-sized golf ball

Young woman disappears with a trace

Whale drags swimmer back onto beach

Presidential candidate admits that he is running in order to be the most powerful person on the planet and not doing it to help us

Sport team takes a surmountable 3-0 lead in the best-of-seven championship series

Baseball player hits a stand up single

Divorced celebrity couple decides not to remain close friends and devoted parents

Jack in trouble with boss for thinking outside the box

Members of UN Council on World Hunger take a break from their all-day meeting for a gourmet buffet lunch

Whole world does not notice man’s cold sore

Yeti wonders if humans are real

Vampire first-grader dies after running around holding a sharp pencil

Dentist uses a piece of roast beef to get dental floss out from between patient’s teeth

Native American in Hollywood movie is just a normal guy without superior warrior or hunting skills, superior wisdom, and is kind of indifferent about Mother Earth

Local man victim of product tampering. Someone put Visine in his Clorox. All his shirts are ruined

Cloned synchronized swim team earns a perfect score at Olympics

Airline passengers resort to cannibalism due to lack of suitable food on airplane. Eat flight attendants

Middle-aged executive undergoes a career change to help a non-profit and does not find it rewarding

High gas prices putting arsonists out of work

ESPN praises whole team for its accomplishment, instead of highlighting one superstar

The NAACP sues the Winter Olympics for selecting sports that blacks don’t historically participate in. Demand a change in the sport venues or the adoption of affirmative action scoring.

Star athlete who played the very same day his father died says he is doing it for himself, not because it is what his father would have wanted

Supreme Court ruling actually affects us

Presidential candidate states that his 3d place finish in a three person primary was indeed a loss, a very bad one.

Crazed gunman stops his plan for murderous spree over concern of violating gun control laws

College star football player suspended for attending classes.

Movie critic declares film was better than book

American crime fighter battles a Japanese crime lord who does not know karate

Neighbors not surprised to learn family man living on their street was a serial killer

NBA starts a program to develop and hire more white players

Neighbor who is not happy around the holiday season admits that he is not very happy the rest of the year either

Celebrity with cancer vows to surrender quietly to the disease

Politician lives in a modest 32-room mansion

A blind person with a hyper-developed compensatory sense of taste wants to lick everything

Black Bear drugged by wildlife officer becomes addicted to narcotics

Circles upset about vicious stereotype

Muslims upset on how their beheadings and suicide bombings are negatively portrayed in the media

Fans think their underdog team does get enough respect.

Convicted celebrity admits they are sorrier over getting caught than over committing the crime

Man with Tourette’s syndrome arrested for disorderly conduct

Celebrity admits that writing a book was all about the money and ego and had nothing to do with telling a story or getting out a message

Athletes decide to take it two games at a time

Labor union endorses Republican candidate for office

High school party ends without a teenage girl crying

Reporter doing a story on minority representation in NASCAR also realizes the NBA has a problem with racial balance

Politician who stated that he wouldn’t use negative campaigning doesn’t

Coach's terminal illness fails to inspire team to victory

Super model finishes dessert

Black minister, who was not a Civil Rights leader, dies

Feminist gets asked out on a date by a man who is bigger than her

Televangelist says God has enough money

Athlete does not experience any personal tragedies on her road to the Olympics

Democrat politician says tax raise is unfair to the rich

Police detective's new partner has a life wish

Infomercial offers a get rich method consisting of a long-haul plan that requires a lot of hard work, good decision-making, and personal sacrifice

Indicted professional athlete is content with the bad rap the media are giving him

Birds flying north for the summer

Presidential candidate vows to look backward after primary loss

Violence stops following Mid East peace plan

Environmentalist admits "rainforest" is really just another word for jungle

A Democrat shows up at a white church

Friends of rampaging campus shooter say they understand why he did it

President Bush is compared to Mussolini

Meteorologist predicts a quiet hurricane season

Congressman not running for reelection

Sport team vows to underestimate opponent

Moderate Muslim leader speaks out against fundamentalist violence

Striking autoworkers refuse pay raise and settle for more respect

Pro-choice group supports woman who chose to have her baby

Muslim fundamentalist reacts to latest insult to Islam with a calm discussion on why he disagrees

Celebrity starts a charity to raise awareness about the celebrity

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