Televangelist Martial Arts

PRESENTS

TELEVANGELIST MARTIAL ARTS

Have you seen the faith healers on televsion? I can't tell if they are healing people or hurting them.

The Antioch Karate Chop

	All of your televangelist martial arts lessons are in this one book. Send your blessings in the form of a generous donation today. We take cash, check, money order or credit card! Just like the apostle Paul did.
	The same hands that combed this hair can end your life!
	Before you step on this stage be forewarned that I am trained in televangelist self-defense.
	Size matters not, ... Look at me. Judge me by size, do you?”
	Wax on, wax off
	The Damascus Death Grip will stop the most determined attacker.
	Don't you see that your weapons are useless against us!
	YOU KILLED MY FATHER!
	The Whooping Crane Cross defensive stance.
	Watch this little girl defeat all of these grown men!
	Who's your God now?
	Your silly beard will not protect you!
	You talkin' to me?
	The Holy Hand of Death. Notice how the well-trained televangelist maintains control of the microphone while performing this difficult maneuver.
	The Palestine Paralyzer
	The pile of victims begins to grow. Who can stop the mayhem?
	My little brother will tease me no longer.
	This simple coat is like David's sling.
	I will part your spine like the Red Sea.
	I am looking for a worthy opponent. Just one.
	I will grind your bones into a fine dust that even Ezekiel cannot resurrect.
	Beg for mercy, I say. BEG!!
	Our most powerful move. The Methuselah Migraine.

Disclaimer: This is not an attack on Christianity. I am a Christian and believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. It is a satirical assault on charlatan televangelist. Those who conduct stage shows to honor themselves and not God. (1John 4:1).

Here is my challenge to these conmen. If you truly have the gift of healing from the Holy Spirit, why don't you come off of the center stage and use the example that Jesus Christ gave us. He quietly went about healing people and tried to avoid the limelight. Why don't you go to a children's hospital and heal there? (I know. There are no offering plates or television cameras there.)

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